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To Keep Him Here

by Hello Emerson

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1.
I was packing up the car, getting ready to leave about noon, And i got on the road and at... As i was driving, the wind was picking up And it looked like there was going to be a storm That kind of was blowing through. And, uh, it started to rain and i was, uh, About half a mile from i-94 -- Which would be the expressway i would take To head first to the east and then south to Dayton. and, uh, a tree limb had fallen in the road. And my last memories are two things: An suv climbed over the branches of the tree On the lane coming toward me, but the limb Was so large in my lane that there was no way I was getting over or around it. And so i pulled off to the side, Parked my car, Pulled the parking brake, And it was twelve-ten. And that's the last memory i have of that day
2.
I know i never call you on a work day And i'm gonna call your sisters after this We're not quite sure what happened We're calling it an accident for now There isn't more that we can do I'll call you back when we got A bit more news I only drink high fructose on occasion I traded all my tupperware for glass And that's all helpful stuff If we live long enough I guess we'll improvise the rest As it comes up They don't know how long He's gonna lie there And he's too weak to use the telephone It's looking pretty dire Could come right down to the wire And i don't wanna say goodbye alone So get some sleep make some coffee And hit the road Drive up tomorrow morning I pray to god it's boring but if not I'm gonna need to see my son I'm driving on the highway crying northward Praying you'll be there when i pull up And the campus parking nightmare Feels more corrupt than healthcare When i swipe my credit card To see my dad Hold my breath and echo down the hallway Right before my fingers touch the door I see every song unspooling Rearranging and retuning Til they settle on The only things we know We live and we die And in between we grow I only drink high fructose on occasion I traded all my tupperware for glass And that's all helpful stuff If we live long enough I guess we'll improvise the rest As it comes up
3.
When i look at you I don't know what i'm supposed to do I just take a seat In the corner When you're coming to Every single time you're just like new We tell you where you are Why we're with you I didn't know a day could move this slow I'm feeling all the time I didn't know to hold tight or let go I'm looking for a sign Can they fix you in time I sit in the corner as the tv shows Something you can't see Eyes all washed out by the morphine And when you find the strength To wake up to the room We get hopeful in the icu That you'll still be you If you pull through When you look away I don't know what i'm supposed to say I'm picking my guitar Hope that's ok Get well bouquets Headed to the spot where mom crochets A bittersweet parade Through the doorway I didn't know A week could move this slow I'm feeling all the time I didn't know To hold tight or let go I'm looking for a sign Can i make things alright Can i play Something soft enough To dull the pain Something light and sweet Can i find a way to rearrange Every little beep that comes From these machines Into your paternal symphony With your weary heart on timpani Can it lift the nurses off their knees Can it put the surgeons all at ease Can it cure the world of disease Can i play something to keep you here Can i play something to quell our fear Can i play something to make things clear Can i play something to keep you here Can i play something to keep you here Can i play something to keep you here Can i play something to keep you here Can i play something to keep you here Will you still be you If you pull through
4.
So I mean I think there's this Underlying investigation Of my memory And my knowledge And my decision making And in some ways it Felt over time as if I was always being tested Uh, like Tested Will I make The right choice Or Will I make Another wrong choice And the worst part Of the whole accident Was that I don't Even know what I did Wrong to have myself fall So I couldn't confirm Or guarantee to anyone That I wouldn't do it again Cause, I was Like Just trying to be helpful
5.
Church 03:53
When we go out to the church And we file in the pews So an older man With silk soft hands Can tell us what to do I try to fold my hands Like a good young catholic can And do my best to pray But that won't make him stay If today's the day When our loss makes us confused Our emotions melt down too And they run like watercolor inks In red and green and blue And I laugh when I should cry Cause I know we're gonna die But I never imagined it Would be by accident Is it happening But god can't keep you here If it's your time to go But he might sand the edges down And keep your soul at peace for now And I know the best case scenario Gives us eighty years or so There's just no way to know You built your kids a fort Out of screws and two-by-fours But halfway through it fell on you And it split you like a sword Your friend took you inside And your wife came home to find David on his back With a housemate stitching a crack With his air force first aid pack But love can't keep you here When it's your time to go But it might hold the cold at bay And fill the potholes in your way And I know the best case scenario Gives us eighty years or so I just don't want you to go Til we're all unbearably old Songs won't keep you here When it's your time to go But they can stand here in your place And keep some of your memories safe And I know the best case scenario Kicks the can on down the road But I just don't want you to go
6.
Sale Today 05:20
I woke up on the edge of the morning And i nearly fell in Slid through the day In my worn out old shorts Fell asleep in them again The things that we use feel so useful When they put us to sleep late at night But then in the morning My head isn't up for the fight And the words we use When we feel helpless Never quite capture it right So you don't have to listen baby Just hold me is fine Sale today Ten til five Sticks and skates And old flash drives Estate sales a few blocks from campus The gold mines you taught me to see The treasures passed down From retirement crowds To frugal types like you and me The things on display draw an outline To strangers and loved ones alike To take what they see And ask who it might be To use all these things for a life So you pay a bit under the asking But you make sure to stay in your lane Cause you could be next And i could be making the change Sale today Ten til five Stereos Some hi-fi I don't wanna think about it The people we love may still love us Long after we're all dead and gone But what else to do with old Knick-knacks and shoes But arrange them in rows on the lawn Post a few signs on the corner Pick out a few good dates and times To haggle with strangers And hope that the weather stays nice Sale today Ten til five Good used suits Slim in size I don't wanna think about it
7.
Dinners I 01:02
If we lose dad Then how will we make dinner I haven't had a meal in weeks That wasn't bland or bitter So on top of almost everything The small things feel much bigger If we lose dad then how will we make dinner A good samaritan half awake at u of m Feeds all the doctors nurses surgeons And us nervous next of kin But when i stop in to visit him I feel like i'm a sinner If we lose dad then how will we make dinner
8.
9.
"so, why?" 00:52
It happened in such a way That everything came into question Right Am i gonna be able to Take care of myself Ok, i'm taking care of myself pretty well But can i take care of my family Cause there's a lot of this After the injury stuff That you're just recovering But you're not -- you don't feel like You're contributing anything to anybody You're just costing I mean, it's really about What's your purpose And i think we all question our purpose Clearly, for me, after the accident I realized that Alright i'm here. i'm alive. so why Right? and what should i take from that
10.
Couch Song 04:22
Your couch sits catty corner by the door And the breeze blows in Through the old bay window And shouts out yesterday's scores And i haven't washed up yet But it's got some advice of course It says just strum these chords And i'm sure you'll find love my boy Just strum these chords And they'll all say they love your voice And your blanket by the window Loosely crocheted By a well meaning mother Who is yet to discover She was making Makeshift drapes That trap every tempting scent That stumbles in from The neighbor's home smoke breaks And i don't do that yet but Maybe i will someday For now i sit on the couch And the absence adjacent me Misplaces complacency while Hope sings like a little bird I caged up for company Always reminding me So unkindly that Couches need people too And your rug ornamental From early days A grown up purchase that you Weren't sure was worth it But perfect to soften a space For us kids on our knees to Crawl and feel free to Fall down on our face And now my head it hangs As i count all the carpet stains While we grow and we change And the absence adjacent me Misplaces complacency while Hope sings like a little bird I caged up for company Always reminding me So unkindly that Couches need people too I need people too And the absence adjacent me Misplaces complacency while Hope sings like a little bird I caged up for company Always reminding me So unkindly that Couches need people too
11.
Sticky notes By the basement stairs Tell him not to go down there Cause if he falls One more time He could vanish She drives them down In drywall with A slender old dark nail Doubtless picked up Some years back A steal at a yard sale It'll take some time Till he goes for a drive Hems and haws and haggles hard Til the price is right It could be years Of hopes and fears Doing everything we can To keep him here Lead him to the toilet for The first time in my life White knuckles grip my shoulders like A theme park safety bar When he sits down He looks so small A fragile hollow shell So we talk tiny Crack a joke Thankful he can't smell It'll take some time Til he skates on ice Shoots and scores And pumps his fist Comes home late at night It could be years Of hopes and fears Doing everything we can To keep him here It'll take some time Til he skates on ice Shoots and scores And pumps his fist and Comes home late at night It could be years Of hopes and fears Doing everything we can To keep him here
12.
Dinners II 02:22
A good samaritan Half alive at u of m In a dilaudid haze For nine straight days Was bound for bethlehem So when we sign for him And buckle in He grins like some big winner Cause he's still here And we can manage dinner
13.
Tough Luck 03:16
I've been better but i'm fine Roughed up but alright Not much else to say I can't remember anyway Did susan really stay the night Lighten up That's a joke round here We're all a little slower Than we were last year But my head's on straight With a velcro brace And my heart is more midwestern Than the look on my face I've seen worse things in life But all that was online And every time you speak You just keep saying i'm sorry And every time we brush it aside Brighten up All your family's here It's just a dress rehearsal For your hospice years And now we'll know How to help you go But no one's going nowhere Til we're taking you home Still every time you speak You just keep saying i'm sorry And every time we brush it aside Who cares You're alive my dear And we're more like a family Than we've been in years You're worse for wear So don't take the stairs Cause we're not taking chances No we're keeping you here Tough luck You're stuck my dear Living the remainder Of your middle-aged years And the surgeons say It's your lucky day So half a year of rehab You'll be in the clear

about

After a purely random accident, my father got a life-threatening brain injury. We gathered as a family in the hospital, feeling the tension between rallying for him to pull through and steeling ourselves to say goodbye for the last time. He survived, and as a family, we exhaled.

Seven years later, reflections on this event became our third album. An interview with him carries us from song to song, attempting to build a story from something that my dad has no direct memories of.

It's a record of hope and fear, finding beauty in the kind of compassion which can only arise from disorder. I hope it serves you well.

credits

released March 29, 2024

this album is the collective effort of eleven people who decided that songs are important.

// crafted with care by Hello Emerson //
sam emerson bodary | songs, guitars, vocals, synths, production
daniel lawrence seibert | percussion, synths, arrangements, production
jack keating doran | keyboards, production

// with chamber contributions from Knisely //
evan lynch | clarinet
helen cates | violin
shine robison | piano
zach koors | vibraphone

// and these thoughtful collaborators //
benjamin ahlteen | bass guitar
tony rice | recording, mixing production
glenn davis | mastering

// recorded at //
the annex in pinckney, mi
oranjudio in columbus, oh
tony's basement
sam's closet

// featuring the voice of david lawrence bodary //
recorded by StoryCorps on july 14th, 2019

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Hello Emerson Columbus, Ohio

indie-folk for journalers

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