i'm building a bridge to the other side of this body i'm in made of black and tan bricks held together with glorified spit and i wish yeah i wish i wish i could see what the other half sees i'm huddled up tight a war is breaking out tonight was there always this light make me feel so hopelessly alive but i hope yes i hope i walk where i want me to go part of me wants to break free but these protein sodium guanine and adenine do they make me me are they even listening lanky thin at the wrist funhouse images of happiness shirts hang loose on this kid who feels so much bigger than he is but i am yes i am i am in tune with this pulsing room if i close my eyes i see these neon pathways thymine and cytosine drafting my wants and needs they're all laid out for me back to the sunday commute north on west end avenue find that red cushion seat just some water to start with if you please i don't know i won't know i just pretend like i'm in control i bought a lease but it's still dragging me cruel biology barking incessently you love her you love her go touch her go touch her you love her you love her no i don't even know her but no you love her you love her and she turns to me what can i get you to eat just the regular please

cause i am a growing boy and i donate all my shoes and make lists of things to do when i forget how huge the world is outside of my little cotton lined room and the first thing on the list it says go read a book and the second one says teach yourself the cello or some instrument and third gain a perspective of intimate distance and maybe then it'll make some sense cause the world it's all it's a spinning around you now so caffinate and quilt your skin is this where we begin to sort our problems out the ones we make up living easy lives then we realize we're growing up just fine and i'm burning with the people who all know they know me best and if i try to fashion something better from this mess i guess i'll be no different from the rest and i'll be setting tables then cause you're dressed as the chef and the fork goes on the left and the knife goes on the right with the edge slouching back against the spoon and the others are gonna be here real soon and the straw it sings and it creaks like a choir now and the sticks sniff out the weak and they shout who can we do without you choose who you love now you're far from grown but start pretending you've got directions to make this man you're building i am a burning boy minus any smell of smoke cause all of the straw men that i made are getting loans and moving in into the open space in the back of my van and they're all backseat drivers worse than any family and they're laughing at my signaling and whispering these little things like you'll learn to love us all in time my dear but for now keep your hands on the wheel and the scabs on his head they're growing in number now so shoo them off and pick away the doubt but what could we do without these little lovely doubts cause they wear me down to smooth untethered boughs so let them swing back and forth on me

the kids they're undressing long past the last light threading through tank tops and taking off tights just to flirt with the feelings that aren't worth the fight as they toss themselves into the noise and the kids they're all yelling and screaming i'm told the pure incredulity of growing old so for now they employ recreational cold to fend off their futures and fate at least til they graduate so go jump the lake if you want to go love every living thing there but you won't find me there the kids they're all sipping each other like wine they found in the basement next to turpentine on the paint splattered tool shelf of thin metal sheets upturn those young drinks and repeat and the kids they're all loving each other so well but the clear eyes on campus say we're going to hell so our promised damnation should make this feel better but our hears burst right through our sweaters and the kids they're all stretching their bodies and minds and waking up strangers in twin beds entwined with their past selves' potential and awkward first tries all stitched together with lies that they find on the parchment of campus one block west of high where we show off ourselves and shrug off the uptight and the well dressed composers of crumpled up lines we highlight cross out and tattoo so go take that leap if you need to and show bashful wants when it's right but mine i'll wad up and i'll bounce them against the wall that we share every night and the kids they call learners sit sleepless tonight plain terrified of the thought that they hide from their fine young acquaintances cheering outside in the night in the night always in the night they say how can we know we know all that we know cause with each passing day oh i grow and i grow more and more lost i'm told til i'm told til i'm told i'm repeating myself again so whether or not a storm is in store more sure than the soot in the water i pour in the depths of my pottery bitterness absorbs and it blackens the collar of the sink he says why do i hide if i want to be seen just hoping for extroverts peeking though screens to knock on my window or the chipping front door and prop me up on the wall and say we haven't met before but your face makes me want to know more and i'm sure that you feel the same thing when i say i grow more unsure by the day and your home is so poorly maintained and no i don't want to be this vain and i know you're not seeking out praise but you have such a comforting face you have such a comforting face